Feb 27, 2012

 
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I can haz hole in my head?


These are not my toofs.

You know this right, me and my dental woes? If you know me you know this. If you don't, the short version goes something like this: I was a wee little sickly Elle and after years and years and years of antibiotics, my teeth are all screwed up. So every couple of years I can tell a story that goes something like this: Yeah, I went in for a cleaning at 11 that morning and walked out 6 hours later with 6 new teeth.

That was last year's adventure. This year, I got my #12 pulled. Yes, I know my teeth by their numbers, isn't that awesome?

I had a tooth pulled once before, many, many years ago, a back molar. But this one is an upper tooth, one of my "smile" teeth, so now with this gaping hole/wound in my mouth I look like one of my old Mill City neighbors (or Amy Winehouse, your pick). They gave me a temp, but it's like this retainer thing with one tooth, and never mind that it's incredibly uncomfortable, it's just plain STUPID. I can't eat with it, can barely talk with it, and shouldn't wear it if I want my toothhole to heal. So why did they give it to me? Cosmetic reasons. What, am I a supermodel? I am so returning this thing.

Anyway, so IMPLANT. I'm getting an implant. I've had crowns and bridges up the wazoo, but never an implant. You know what I have in my jaw right now? A SCREW. Yes they took out my tooth (which took 2 hours, by the way) and replaced it WITH A SCREW. And then in all seriousness my dentist says to me:

Don't worry, it's not big enough to set off metal detectors at the airport or anything like that.

O. M. G.

Anyway, the meds, LOL. He gives me Ibuprofen horse pills and Vicodin-but-not-Vicodin. I don't care if it is or it isn't, all I know is it makes me sick to my stomach and I don't want any. Oh, I'll give you an anti-nausea pill too, he says.

Whatever, I don't really plan on taking it so I don't really care. Until I had to pay for it, that is. The Ibuprofen, the VbnV, the antibiotics, $4 each. The don't puke pill? $54. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? Well shit, now I have to take it.

LALALALALALALALALALALA

OMG, this is FUN! But I am very stupid. And I need help doing complex tasks, like putting one foot in front of the other while simultaneously maintaining balance and fighting gravity. LOL. I'm sorry, was I saying something?
 
 
 

2 comments:

 
 
darklordjames
Feb 27, 2012
Humans and their goddamn retarded teeth. The way I figure, since evolution only works to get a species breeding really well, and we only do that until about 25, teeth didn't evolve enough to keep up with science letting us alive past 30. In other words, I feel your pain. My teeth are enormous, but I only have enough room in my mouth for 24 of them. As an added bonus I lost most of my baby teeth by having them crack in half, and my adult set are following suit!

Teeth are some bullshit, yo.
 
ellerandall
Mar 4, 2012
I have a few friends around my age who got their very first cavity within the last few years. WTF? Are their teeth made of steel?

The funny thing is, they are totally traumatized by fillings. Shit, I've fallen asleep in the middle of root canal.
 
 

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