I drive ALL THE WAY to California to bring light and joy into the lives of my loved ones and this is what I get. Try not to estrogen the place up too much, he says to me. What a dick.
(Just kidding, Mark!)
So yes, this past week was NAMGLA, which has nothing at all to do with me - I just hitched a ride to LA to hang out with BFF Kate (and annoy the crap out of her husband). NEWSFLASH! Seriously, you might need to sit down for this one:
We didn't cook anything.
We did, however, shove massive amounts of Indonesian food into our faces, so there's that. Two thumbs up for Gado Gado, thanks for the tip, Glenn.
So, what did we do? We went to Momen+, a fabric store in Torrance whereupon OUR HEDZ SPLODED. See photo above for evidence of cuteness factor infinity. Seriously, I could have done much more damage except that I have, like, rent to pay and stuff. Also, Kate and I almost got into a fist fight over a fat quarter, and we had already almost got into a fist fight over a chocolate donut and a latte earlier that day, so really it was just time to go.
DUDE TIP: Never come home with just one latte when you have two women in the house. ALSO: GET TWO CHOCOLATE DONUTS.
So, bankruptcy, then home, then sewing. I totally remembered BOTH my machine AND my cord this time. Kate got busy making these supercute stuffed stegosauri, and I started on an apron, for a silent auction at The Adorable 4 year old's school.
My machine is nothing super fancy, but it's new and easy to use. You don't even need a pedal, you can operate it with the push of a button. So...The Adorable 4 year old is kind of bored and I get the bright idea to ask if she wants to try sewing. Intrigued, she is.
Four hours later...
Seriously, this kid SCHOOLED me on my own machine. I talked her thru it maybe 4 times, next thing I know she's mastered the decorative stitches, sewn and stuffed a pillow, and made a tote bag for her giraffe.
I give up.
So all in all, a great week-ish in LA despite the fact that it was cold and rainy and everyone was sick-ish and sniffling and coughing and sneezing. Got to eat great food and see good friends and hyperventilate over beautiful fabric. Now back to work!
CenturyLink thinks I need their help
WTF with ISPs and DNS "redirects"? If this is their idea of customer service, they need to seriously rethink that idea.
I moved from Cox to CenturyLink (formerly Qwest, I guess) right before I left for LA and when I got home I discovered that Google's browse by name/I'm feeling lucky no longer worked. For example, if you type "google" in your location bar it should just forward you to google.com, but CenturyLink ever so kindly (not) hijacks that and sends me to their ever so helpful (not) "web helper" (my ass). There is, of course, a teeny tiny link at the top of that page that asks "Why am I here?" - YES, WHY AM I HERE? - and when you click that link you are given the option of opting out of this most annoying service.
Except it doesn't work.
So, for my Firefox/CenturyLink friends, here is a fix.
First, download the Redirector 2.7.1 add-on
Once installed, goto Tools > Redirector and click New Redirect.
For Example URL enter:
For Include Pattern enter:
(same as above but DON'T FORGET that * at the end)
For Redirect To enter:
(go here for more info on location bar searches. Also, you might need to edit your keyword.URL)
Select Wildcard for your Pattern Type and click save. Viola.
BFF Annie finished my skirt! And OMG YESH my awesome brother and his awesome girlfriend gave me my belated xmas present, which just so happened to be a STAR TREK ENTERPRISE PIZZA CUTTER.
So in other words, I'm having a great week. And tomorrow I'm off to...you guessed it, LA as it's NAMGLA time again. That special time of year when hordes of menfolk descend upon a convention center in Anaheim to fondle knobs and stuff. It's kinda like porn only less...porny. I was going to say sexy, but I guess if you're into knob fondling you wouldn't agree with that.
ANYWAY, it is NOT on my agenda to fondle any knobs (but you know, never say never), I'm just along for the ride, going to see BFF Kate. Our agenda includes fondling japanese fabric and shoving sushi into our faces. And I'm sure something messy and tasty will take place in her kitchen, I'll be sure to let you know what it is once we make it.
In other news, last night I lost my Ethiopian food virginity. I have no idea what I ate (other than that it was vegetable matter) but it sure was tasty. I also hit my first yoga class of 2012 and holy wow batman, I cannot lift my arms today. Oh 40's, why you gotta be like that?
For 41 years I did not, would not, tried to but could not, eat sushi. Everyone I knew was like: OMG, sushi is the greatest food evar, what is wrong with you, were you raised by wolves or something? Well, or something, but that's another story. No, it just felt weird in my mouth. The nori was chewy and the rice was sticky and it was always like I had too much food in my mouth. Also, let's be honest, I seriously lack chopstick skills. There was just nothing fun or comfortable about eating this food.
I used to know this manager dude guy, let's call him Jabba, and whenever you took him to dinner, especially if ribs were involved, you basically had to put a garbage bag over him because OMG there was BBQ sauce and rib particulate matter everywhere. And you'd be sitting at the table with him, hiding behind your napkin, trying not to cry - with laughter AND sadness. That's kinda what it was like taking me to a sushi bar. Edamame flying everywhere, rice all over my face, how do you eat this stuff? CAN SOMEONE PLEASE GIVE ME A FORK?
And then, I don't know what happened. Well, yes I do, it's the fault of an adorable 4 year old. WHO EATS SUSHI. And has amazing chopstick skills. She lent me a pair of her training chopsticks (purple giraffe, if I remember correctly), and someone handed me a plate of avocado sushi, and I was suddenly propelled into an alternate universe where OMG, sushi is the greatest food evar!
So for 41 years I didn't eat sushi and then in the last 7 months I've basically been obsessed with it. All that to say I had sushi for lunch today. And for dinner a few days ago. And we'll see what the week brings... I'll tell you what though, right now, the wasabi is doing wonders for my cold. Seriously, I'm not happy til the tip of nose tingles. And bonus points if I can make tears spurt out my eyes.
I jinxed myself.
About half of the Elleverse has come down with this mucusy flu thing over the last two weeks. The kind of thing that makes people invest in expensive lotioned kleenex, and sends significant others to sleep in guest bedrooms. A sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever sort of thing, but without the so you can rest medicine (oh the good old days of green death NyQuil). And here's me, all: OMG, how awesome am I that I didn't get sick!
This past weekend, my BFF Anne and I drove to LA to see our BFF Kate and her BFF Jenna for Estrogenpalooza 2011. Also in attendance were Kate's adorable 4 year old daughter, who provided giggles and endless Christmas music, and her husband Mark, who tried (and thankfully succeeded) to not kill himself.
Anyway, before we begin this story, I would just like to point out that BFF Anne and I are not stupid. Between us we have 3 degrees, 300 IQ points, and can talk in pie charts. ANNE DRIVES STICK. We are not stupid. You will find this very hard to believe as I continue.
So there we were, me and my copilot, rolling down the I-10 on our way to LA when hey, there's a gas station, let's fill up the car and get snacks and stuff! Great idea! I pull up to the pump and Anne jumps out with her credit card to pay for the gas. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...nothing. Insert the card, pull it out...Enter your zip - yes! Er, no wait, nothing. Anne surmises that maybe there is something wrong with this pump. Broken, it must be. Yes, that must be it. I'll just back up to the other pump.
Insert card, pull it out, enter your zip, yes! This one totally works! Select the gas, put the schnozzle in the tank, click the schnozzle thingy so you don't have to stand there and hold it while it pumps, and go off for snacks.
All is well in the Elleverse.
Snacks acquired, we get back to the car, I put the schnozzle back where it belongs, look up at the price and see: $88.52. I turn back to the car to put the gas cap on and then, wait, WTF? $88.52? How much is gas, $9 a gallon? I only needed a quarter tank. And then I see something like 25 gallons and I'm like: I think I maybe have a 15 gallon tank, in what universe is this even possible?
All is not well in the Elleverse.
"Anne, we have a problem."
So out comes Anne in full problem solving mode, reaching possibly for a calculator, or maybe a slide rule, I'm not sure. I point at the pump, I point at the car. "This isn't possible, Anne." Anne goes inside to investigate. Facts are needed.
Like, 5-7 minutes goes by. On Anne's end I think the story went something like: the lady behind the counter looked at her like, WTF ARE YOU SOME KIND OF IDIOT? On my end it totally started to dawn on me: oh you moron you never pumped any gas, this is from the person before you.
WE ARE NOT STUPID. We just, you know, have our moments.
In non stupid moments, Anne whipped up a skirt for me worthy of fashion week and I'd be happy to show it to you if only she'd give it to me.
In exceptionally stupid moments, I went all the way to LA with every single thing I could possibly need to sew EXCEPT the damn cord that powers the damn machine. Or in other words: the one thing that didn't take up the entire trunk of my car.
Ok, so let's end this on a fun note: the adorable 4 year old. TA4YO likes Christmas music so Kate put a radio in her playroom and tuned it to a Christmas station with a playlist that was maybe 20 songs deep. Awesome, it's Bing Crosby. Again. Kate and Anne leave to pick up Mark at work, and leave me to kid sit. I know, seriously, someone trusts me with their kid, your mind is blown. So there I am, kid sitting. Snow White, er, no, I can't remember which princess it was but she was getting married to a unicorn and there were some aliens, and a fireman, and you know, like that. And the Christmas music. The DJ announces the next song which is I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus and I say:
Mommy was kissing Santa?
TA4YO, who had her back to me, turns around, waves me off, and says: no, don't worry, it's just a song.
Don't worry. LOL, kids.
I belong in slothville
OMG, seriously, it's been a month. I suck.
November is always a crazy month for me. I have, like, 8 birthdays, one of which is mine, and one of which is my mother's. And hers usually falls on Thanksgiving, which she usually hosts, which means I have to supervise lest she get drunk on $8 wine and spill hot gravy on herself. Or drop the turkey on the floor. (True story. Both, actually.) But this year I got a reprieve because The Cousin From Boston came to town and thus The Uncle hosted Thanksgiving. And I learned something very important about myself.
You know how you get back to life after Thanksgiving and people say, hey, how was your Thanksgiving, and you say: oh I went to my mom/aunt/brother's house and my crazy uncle/sister/cousin was there and s/he got drunk and...hopefully that story ends well but probably not? Well guess what? I'm that person. Seriously, I'm pretty sure I threatened to cut a bitch over cornbread. In a very humorous way, of course.
Also, PROTIP: you know that Godiva Chocolate Liqueur stuff? Yeah, don't drink that like Jager.
So yeah, it took like 3 days to get over that hangover. And then I worked on the new Audio Damage site for like 2 weeks straight. I knew I had suffered some serious tunnel vision when I looked at my RSS feed and saw: you have 3,984,857,492,048 unread items.
AND THEN, amid all this, The Crandall got The Valley Fever. That was fun. Actually, he still has it. And it's still fun. So that I lost half of November makes sense, but that I lost half of December before I realized I'd lost half of December leaves me kinda scratching my head.
And now...I'm off again. To LA for a GIRL'S WEEKEND. And by GIRL'S WEEKEND I don't mean me and the BFF are off for a couple of days, I mean it is A MEETING OF THE BFFS. There will be cooking and sewing and wine and sushi and at least three of us will be wearing stupid high heels and at least one of us (ok two of us) will make inappropriate vibrator jokes. And one of us will blush. Tee-hee.
So yeah, I have to pack. My shoes. And then whatever else I remember to bring. It's just us ladies driving out so I'm guessing there's a high probability that hilarity will ensue - I will try to remember to tweet it as it happens.
tags: crafty me
Because, you know, I go on so many picnics. Actually, no, but it seems like it would be a fun thing to do. And then last year when I decided that I must learn how to sew, you know, with like patterns and instructions and stuff (as opposed to just winging it) I came across these in one of my sewing books and thought: it's rectangle, it's flat, I can totally do this. And then two, three, four, I don't know how many months went by and I finally got around to it.
I kind of have a love/hate relationship with sewing. I assume love must trump hate otherwise I wouldn't keep doing it. I love making homemade gifts (I was on an apron kick a while back), I love the attention to detail part, it's just that fabric is an imperfect medium (and let's face it, I am an imperfect person) and that's the part that drives me bonkers. But in a good way, sewing has taught me that the whole omg it must be perfect thing I've usually got going on is really rather stupid. Sometimes you just have to let go, ya know?
I think the other reason sewing appeals to me is due to my split personality with respect to The Rules. I love rules. I am bound by rules. I freak out when there are no rules. And then, I totally break them. Like with the aprons. I got halfway thru the first one and thought, well, the pocket isn't wide enough, and the apron isn't long enough, and the ties are just stupid...and then by the third one I was mostly back to winging it. So on one hand I get patterns and instructions and rules, and on the other hand if I don't follow them it's not really the end of the world. That said, I don't make clothes because, yeah, that would just be tragic.
I'll let you guess how old I am today. :)
(Also, I'm not panicking. It feels good.)
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