Hola!

I had to get my passport photo taken today. Just before the guy snapped my picture he said: Don't blink! so...yeah, we had to take it again. Honestly, this is the better photo. The second time around I was so hellbent on keeping my eyes open that I look like I just came face to face with an Alot.

So, yeah, HI, HOW ARE YOU? I'm fine. Been busy! Typing, moving pixels around, putting way too much pressure on myself, like that. I did manage to take a few days off last weekend to whip out a messenger bag for The Mom for Mother's Day. But I haven't been in the kitchen since...I don't even remember. I plan to rectify that this month because it's peach season, which means it's JAM SEASON. And I can't get lazy this year because a couple months ago, for the first time since 2008, I RAN OUT OF JAM.

I know, I know, I'm a horrible human being.

Anyway, back to the photo. LOOK AT THAT HAIR! I got this crazy idea a couple months ago to let it grow out, because, I don't know, I guess I thought I'd be Kate Beckinsale or something, but instead it mostly just pokes me in the eye. And I have to blow dry it! What a pain in the butt. So I have a hair appointment on Monday and I'm pretty sure me and my pixie are going to get reacquainted.

So there you have it, the last 6 weeks of my life in a blog post: I've been busy, stressed out, and my hair is in my eyes. How are you?

R2-D2 Cookie Jar

Want

(I still want this one too.)

Hula Hoop

What kind of yoga do you do?

Hatha? Bikram? Ashtanga? I do Boba Yoga. And sometimes Yoda.

Posters for sale here.

I can haz hole in my head?

You know this right, me and my dental woes? If you know me you know this. If you don't, the short version goes something like this: I was a wee little sickly Elle and after years and years and years of antibiotics, my teeth are all screwed up. So every couple of years I can tell a story that goes something like this: Yeah, I went in for a cleaning at 11 that morning and walked out 6 hours later with 6 new teeth.

That was last year's adventure. This year, I got my #12 pulled. Yes, I know my teeth by their numbers, isn't that awesome?

I had a tooth pulled once before, many, many years ago, a back molar. But this one is an upper tooth, one of my "smile" teeth, so now with this gaping hole/wound in my mouth I look like one of my old Mill City neighbors (or Amy Winehouse, your pick). They gave me a temp, but it's like this retainer thing with one tooth, and never mind that it's incredibly uncomfortable, it's just plain STUPID. I can't eat with it, can barely talk with it, and shouldn't wear it if I want my toothhole to heal. So why did they give it to me? Cosmetic reasons. What, am I a supermodel? I am so returning this thing.

Anyway, so IMPLANT. I'm getting an implant. I've had crowns and bridges up the wazoo, but never an implant. You know what I have in my jaw right now? A SCREW. Yes they took out my tooth (which took 2 hours, by the way) and replaced it WITH A SCREW. And then in all seriousness my dentist says to me:

Don't worry, it's not big enough to set off metal detectors at the airport or anything like that.

O. M. G.

Anyway, the meds, LOL. He gives me Ibuprofen horse pills and Vicodin-but-not-Vicodin. I don't care if it is or it isn't, all I know is it makes me sick to my stomach and I don't want any. Oh, I'll give you an anti-nausea pill too, he says.

Whatever, I don't really plan on taking it so I don't really care. Until I had to pay for it, that is. The Ibuprofen, the VbnV, the antibiotics, $4 each. The don't puke pill? $54. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?!? Well shit, now I have to take it.

LALALALALALALALALALALA

OMG, this is FUN! But I am very stupid. And I need help doing complex tasks, like putting one foot in front of the other while simultaneously maintaining balance and fighting gravity. LOL. I'm sorry, was I saying something?

The Return of The Linky (cuteness edition)

Wherever shall we begin?

Oh, I know:

How about the Toronto Zoo's New Baby Polar Bear?
See also: om nom nom snow!

Or how about:

Unhappy kitty bath?
See also: sleepy kitty is sleepy and sleepy puppy is full. Or maybe it's full puppy is sleepy?

Or even better:

A teeny tiny smiling pig in a blanket.

We also have:

A gallery of sleepy koalas

...a happy, happy hippo:

THIS IS PHOTOBOMB!

and some dogs playing fetch:

Fetch!



Happy Monday, everyone

Bag it

So this last week (ish) I've been sick. Not like, Oh, I have the flu, or OMG, I'm dying of the plague, more like Ick, I feel like I've been hit by a truck and is this what getting old feels like damn this really sucks. Throw in some allergies and general female malaise (sorry dude folk) and it was a stellar week. And by stellar I mean mostly I turned into a hermit. And one day I ate nothing but donuts. Well, that's not entirely true, after the third donut I got this awful Did you seriously eat THREE DONUTS TODAY? headache, so then I ate a banana.

It didn't help.

Anyway, all that to say I got a lot of sewing done this week. I tackled messenger bags, see? SEE? The little ones are for my nieces. I LOVE having nieces because they LOVE everything you make them and they totally don't notice your mistakes.

Oh, and an apron. I made an apron too.

And some flannel PJ pants. I made those first so I could wear them all week. Proper prior planning, my friends.

Try not to estrogen the place up too much

I drive ALL THE WAY to California to bring light and joy into the lives of my loved ones and this is what I get. Try not to estrogen the place up too much, he says to me. What a dick.

(Just kidding, Mark!)

So yes, this past week was NAMGLA, which has nothing at all to do with me - I just hitched a ride to LA to hang out with BFF Kate (and annoy the crap out of her husband). NEWSFLASH! Seriously, you might need to sit down for this one:

We didn't cook anything.

We did, however, shove massive amounts of Indonesian food into our faces, so there's that. Two thumbs up for Gado Gado, thanks for the tip, Glenn.

So, what did we do? We went to Momen+, a fabric store in Torrance whereupon OUR HEDZ SPLODED. See photo above for evidence of cuteness factor infinity. Seriously, I could have done much more damage except that I have, like, rent to pay and stuff. Also, Kate and I almost got into a fist fight over a fat quarter, and we had already almost got into a fist fight over a chocolate donut and a latte earlier that day, so really it was just time to go.

DUDE TIP: Never come home with just one latte when you have two women in the house. ALSO: GET TWO CHOCOLATE DONUTS.

So, bankruptcy, then home, then sewing. I totally remembered BOTH my machine AND my cord this time. Kate got busy making these supercute stuffed stegosauri, and I started on an apron, for a silent auction at The Adorable 4 year old's school.

My machine is nothing super fancy, but it's new and easy to use. You don't even need a pedal, you can operate it with the push of a button. So...The Adorable 4 year old is kind of bored and I get the bright idea to ask if she wants to try sewing. Intrigued, she is.

Four hours later...

Seriously, this kid SCHOOLED me on my own machine. I talked her thru it maybe 4 times, next thing I know she's mastered the decorative stitches, sewn and stuffed a pillow, and made a tote bag for her giraffe.

I give up.

So all in all, a great week-ish in LA despite the fact that it was cold and rainy and everyone was sick-ish and sniffling and coughing and sneezing. Got to eat great food and see good friends and hyperventilate over beautiful fabric. Now back to work!

PSA: DNS Hijacking (aka: CenturyLink web helper my ass) firefox edition

WTF with ISPs and DNS "redirects"? If this is their idea of customer service, they need to seriously rethink that idea.

I moved from Cox to CenturyLink (formerly Qwest, I guess) right before I left for LA and when I got home I discovered that Google's browse by name/I'm feeling lucky no longer worked. For example, if you type "google" in your location bar it should just forward you to google.com, but CenturyLink ever so kindly (not) hijacks that and sends me to their ever so helpful (not) "web helper" (my ass). There is, of course, a teeny tiny link at the top of that page that asks "Why am I here?" - YES, WHY AM I HERE? - and when you click that link you are given the option of opting out of this most annoying service.

Except it doesn't work.

So, for my Firefox/CenturyLink friends, here is a fix.

First, download the Redirector 2.7.1 add-on

Once installed, goto Tools > Redirector and click New Redirect.



For Example URL enter:
http://webhelper.centurylink.com/index.php?origURL=

For Include Pattern enter:
http://webhelper.centurylink.com/index.php?origURL=*
(same as above but DON'T FORGET that * at the end)

For Redirect To enter:
http://www.google.com/search?ie=UTF-8&sourceid=navclient&gfns=1&q=$1
(go here for more info on location bar searches. Also, you might need to edit your keyword.URL)

Select Wildcard for your Pattern Type and click save. Viola.

I am loved...

BFF Annie finished my skirt! And OMG YESH my awesome brother and his awesome girlfriend gave me my belated xmas present, which just so happened to be a STAR TREK ENTERPRISE PIZZA CUTTER.

*nerdgasm*

So in other words, I'm having a great week. And tomorrow I'm off to...you guessed it, LA as it's NAMGLA time again. That special time of year when hordes of menfolk descend upon a convention center in Anaheim to fondle knobs and stuff. It's kinda like porn only less...porny. I was going to say sexy, but I guess if you're into knob fondling you wouldn't agree with that.

ANYWAY, it is NOT on my agenda to fondle any knobs (but you know, never say never), I'm just along for the ride, going to see BFF Kate. Our agenda includes fondling japanese fabric and shoving sushi into our faces. And I'm sure something messy and tasty will take place in her kitchen, I'll be sure to let you know what it is once we make it.

In other news, last night I lost my Ethiopian food virginity. I have no idea what I ate (other than that it was vegetable matter) but it sure was tasty. I also hit my first yoga class of 2012 and holy wow batman, I cannot lift my arms today. Oh 40's, why you gotta be like that?